My plan is to crowdsource a plan.

combing an entire river for corpses takes TIME sherlock!!
Details of your incompetence do not interest me. SH

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I’m on my way Sherlock.
By all means move at a glacial pace, John. You know how that thrills me. SH

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Why is no one r e a d y? SH
omg YOU found the body my crew isnt even there yet. also its 4AM!!1

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Don’t touch anything, freak
Did you fall down and smack your little head on the pavement? SH

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Is there some reason that my coffee isn’t here? Have you died or something? SH
omg omg sherlock im so sorry but they didnt have the kind u wanted so i had to go to a different cafe and then i accidently put cream in it but then i remember you said black and 2 sugars and so i had to get another one

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Find me that piece of paper I had in my hand yesterday morning. SH
You know, I’m in the kitchen. You dont have to text me. Also, what paper?
Please bore someone else with your questions. SH

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JOHN. My flight has been cancelled. It’s some absurd weather problem. SH
Um, let me see what I can do
I need to get home tonight. Lestrade said there’s a new twin murder! SH
No one’s flying out of there tonight because of the storm
Oh, please. It’s just- drizzling. SH
It’s a hurricane, Sherlock. I saw it on the news.
Someone must be getting out. Call Mycroft. Get me his jet. Call everybody else that we know that has a jet. SH
I’m going to sleep now, Sherlock.
This is your responsibility! SH
JOHN!! SH